The Great Bling War

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The Great Bling War was an Iraq-esque war, in which the Blank Club engaged total war against the TIA (and, later, other factions which sprung up to oppose Blank Authority). Although it is often refered to in singular, many refer to it as the "Bling Wars," as it actually describes a number of seperate campaigns between Blank Club and rivals.



In early January 2003 (6th Grade), Tim Myers was accused by Blank Club High-Command members of ignoring Blank doctrines and commiting heresy against the Organization. Accuisations included sitting at differnt tables at lunch, harboring ill-thoughts against the Club and, most importantly, spending extended periods of time with the other members of THEM. High-Command made these feelings clear and Myers responded by forming an organization entitled the TIA (Tim Intelligence Agency). Members included Joey Horgan, Bannus Van Der Kloot (present Blank member), Zach Connerty- Marin, and others. After suspicions (later proven false) that the TIA was harbouring anti-Blank ideas, total war was planned. Blank High-Command busied itself with forming a massive army to combat the heretics, the likes of which were not forseen by the preliminary predictions of TIA tacticians (and tactlessticians). With war inevitably looming ahead, several peace talks were attempted between Blank High Command and Myers. However, all were ultimately in vain and War was declared in late January 2003 following the distribution of name tags to each TIA member.

Total War and Early Campaigns

The first battle began on the cold fields of the FMS playground (see Plains of Recess). The TIA, being the naive fools they were did not expect the onslaught that awaited them. In the horizon a mass of over 50 kids, led and brainwashed by Blank Club high command, rushed into the tiny ranks of the TIA. Any attempts of the enemy fighting back were in vain, due to Blank Club's advantages both in number, superior training and organization. Although no one was seriously injured, Blank's massive army and fury befuddled the TIA. The TIA, defeated, fled into hiding. But the war wasn't over for the Blank Club, who were convincingly lead by bloodthirsty Blank Generals in their effort to destroy Tim's foolish organization. The Grand Army fleshed out the scattered TIA in the days that followed, and gave them was they believed was "justice beyond all reckoning." Striking harder and harder daily on TIA's shattered ranks, campaigns continued off and on for several weeks, until the Blank Club recognized General Myers' surrender in February.


The dissolution of the TIA would have been a joyous occasion for Blank Club, if it were not for problems back home. The victory that was the Dissolution of the TIA had an unforeseen effect on the lesser participants of the Blank Army; a major boost in confidence. Fueled by this confidence, many began to feel comfortable with contradictiory thoughts to Blank doctrines on how the commonwealth and army should be run. In addition, around a dozen lower officers made an attempt to apply for membership, unaware of the vigorous training and preperation before inauguration. All of whom applied were unquestionably turned down. This mass rejection left many disgruntled and political anylists feared schism ahead. Blank High-Command, previously untested by internal conflict was completely unprepared, and their tactics proved useless. In early march over a dozen and a half led by General Cameron declared their independence from the extended Blank Club and formed the Confederacy of Independent Seperatists, igniting an offshoot of the Bling Wars that later would become known as The Border Wars.

Emergence of New Factions: The Border Wars and Other Later Campaigns

The emergence of the Confederacy of Independant Seperatists and the start of The Border Wars ensured that prolonged fighting was inevitable. However, the Confederacy was not the only faction challenging Blank Club. Although the TIA had disbanded shortly following the surrender of General Myers, a few of its members were ready for another round. Taking advantage of the schism in the Blank Club's armies, a Loose Rebellion of Insurgents consisting of former TIA members Joe Horgan, Zach Connerty-Marin and Bannus Van der Kloot came into existance. Exploiting holes in Blank defense that existed following the split in the Blank forces, the group launched arguably mildly successful (at least compared to the tactical disasters that were the TIA campaigns) strikes against the armada. Aditionally, Rouge Agents and much smaller and less organized factions who wanted a piece of the action also took part in sporadic assaults on all parties. This fighting lasted well into late March until the masses lost interest (and chicken racing was discovered, keeping people intersted the way the Bling Wars previously had). By April, it was only Connerty-Marin and Horgan of the Loose Rebellion of Insurgents who launched any sort of strikes on the 5 members of the Club (although at this point combat was rare and it was mostly just cold looks and bad talk between both parties).

Treaty at Chikiwah Point and the Final Days of the War

In the waning days of the war when it was pretty much just Joey and Zach getting massacred by the Blank Club's dwindling army, new attempts at peace talks between the exhausted High Command and the remaining Loose Rebellion of Insurgents members were established. In the following week, a treaty was written by Joey, Evan and Bradley during a series of Bus 14 rides, its provisions including the end of the war and the creation of a new gaming company/website. The treaty was finally signed between all parties while passing Chikiwah Point point on a busride. This made official the founding of Aughblooba Industries and most of the Blank Club Members adopting pseudonyms, thus ending the Great Bling Wars of '03.

Major Factions and leaders of the Bling Wars

Main article: List of Bling War participants

Blank Club


  • General Myers (Governor General)
  • Viceroy Edwards (Secretary of General Affairs)

Confederacy of Independent Seperatists

  • General Cameron
  • General Broida

Loose Rebellion of Insurgents


The Blank Wars had various results, both on members, affiliates and enemies. Although the War was ulitmately a Blank Victory and increased Blank superiority and influence on the school, the club for the first time had enemies. Ill will came from those who found the Blank's entrance policy to be more selective than desired and those who split from the Blank Club's Armada half-way through the war. This ill will lasted well into 7th Grade, when many forgot about the club's existence or even the occurence of the war they fought in.

Another result was the beginning of the online age of the Blank Club. Aughblooba Industries, which was established during the Treaty at Chikiwah was the first in a line of incarnations of the Blank Club's website. The website harbored the first of Blank Club games, movies and online publications, all which later became intricate parts of Blank Culture.

On a side note, The Bling wars directly influenced Joey's life story (although Joey pretty much joined the Bling Wars because of his life story). Also, the Treaty at Chikiwah was the first time since the founding that Blank members had used pseudonyms (many of which are still in use today).

Bling War II (averted)

Throughout 2006, Ben Tweed made several futile attempts to start an epic conflict with the Blank Club in order to have a place in Blank lore. Some of these included the attempted manufacture of ID cards (the image files still exist). The closest Bling War II ever came to happening was one week in November when Ben began sitting with the Blank Club at lunch again with his new girlfriend. Bradley was much annoyed by this, and Ben somehow twisted this around to mean that a Fourth Great War was in the offing and began preparing. Happily, it was made known to Ben--just in time--that Brad was, in fact, really just annoyed.


This is not some FDFS LANCE coverup. In fact, FDFS LANCE doesn't exist. Have a happy day.

See Also:

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